Every leadership team has one – that person who seems most out of step with the team’s direction, yet is also the least receptive to feedback or attempts to bring them into alignment. It’s one of the most frustrating challenges leaders face, and it came up during our recent webinar on leadership alignment.
The irony is that the person who most needs to change is often the one most resistant to the conversation. But before you write them off as impossible to work with, there’s a different approach that you might want to explore.
This challenge comes up regularly, and my approach has evolved significantly over the years. When I first went into leadership in my younger days, I was a pretty direct leader. But these days, I tackle things more from a place of kindness and authenticity.
Often when people are a bit bristly, it’s an attempt to hide their emotions and push the world away from them so they don’t have to do uncomfortable things. So having the approach of really allowing them to have an opportunity to talk about what’s going on for them is key.
Start with curiosity, not judgement
Before assuming they’re always going to be difficult, find out what’s happening for that person. Why are they pushing back? Why are they behaving in a way that doesn’t seem very conducive to teamwork? What is going on for them?
This might need to be a one-on-one conversation from the owner or leader to that person, or between partners if it’s a smaller partnership group. The goal is really finding out what’s happening for that person before writing them off.
Create psychological safety first
What we’ve discovered is that those people who appear to be the most dismissive and bristly can actually be the biggest converts if you can get them on side. They can drive improvements from that moment on because they’ve shifted something in their approach and thinking. But they have to feel safe in order to do that.
It’s about creating that conversation and creating the space to have those discussions so they feel safe to open up.
Remember: nobody’s broken
It’s important to remember that no one’s broken. You can’t force people to change, but you can invite them to adjust their behaviour. It’s about understanding people better and where they’re coming from, and helping them to maybe improve or making them aware that something they’re doing is not conducive to having a great culture or great environment.
Sometimes people just need to be made more aware of how they’re perceived or how they’re holding themselves. Perception is people’s reality, and that can drive different perceptions of what’s actually happening.
Set realistic expectations
We can’t control other people, but we can put boundaries in place around ourselves and be careful of our own expectations of others. Many people have expectations of others to behave in a way that they do themselves or perform at a level that they do themselves. That’s not always reasonable.
The aim is to support everyone to perform at their best, whatever their best is. Everyone’s going to have a different level of what that means. But if everyone’s performing at their best, then you’ve got a pretty good team.
You can watch and listen to the full webinar which runs for 45 minutes here.
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This content was inspired by a discussion from “The Leadership Download” – a quarterly webinar hosted by Leadership Creativity Principals Anna Saunders and Craig Morris.
In this live online event, Anna and Craig share fresh insights from their work with leaders, practical takeaways on today’s leadership challenges, and a live Q&A session. Get first notice of upcoming sessions and access to replays by following Leadership Creativity on LinkedIn.